Friday, June 01, 2007 @ 20:33
Just some random jokes...Enjoy them haha.


BASTARD!!
A 20-yr old girl went to see a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him "basstard". Sometimes I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves the title."
"Hmm.. such a word is too strong and rude to call a person. But maybe you have your own reasons to call him that. Tell me about it so that I can help you."
"Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand..."
"Did he hold your hand like this?"
"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now"
"If its only this, he doesnt deserve to be called "basstard". That means he doesnt want to separate from you."
"Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged my shoulder..."
"Was he as this close to you and did he hug you like this?"
"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're close to and hugging me now"
"Its not a basstard. That means he wanna stay forever by your side"
"Then he kissed me..."
"Did he kiss you like this?"
"Yes, Doctor. He kissed me just exactly like how you're kissing me now."
"If its only a kiss like this, seriously you cant call him "basstard". That means he adores you"
"Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobie, Doc..."
"Like this?"
"Yes, Doctor... he did it like that"
"Its not a behaviour of a basstard. It means he protects you"
"Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... "
"Did you resist?"
"No. Instead, I let him do it, coz I love him..."
"Did he took off your clothes like this ?"
"Yes, Doctor. Until Im completely naked like now......" :shock:
"He still doesnt deserve to be called "basstard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely"
"Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..." :drool:
..... ..... ..... ..... .....
"Did he do it just like what we did just now?" :drool:
"Yes, Doctor. exactly the same"
"You cant still call him basstard. It means he needs you."
"But then he told me that he has AIDS" :shakehead:
"Damn!!!!! BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!!!!!" All the staff outside were shocked to hear the doctor screaming......

Singapore Airlines
Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr & Mrs Ng with their 3 lovely triplet daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.
The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper fashion and when they reached 20, their parents thought it was time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" ( handsome guys ).
They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.
As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr & Mrs Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs Ng told them......" Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you were satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but so as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off.
A week passed. Mr & Mrs Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine.
They opened the letter and found the word "STANDARD CHARTERED". They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. "Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So, again they took the neswpaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is. "NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Again, Mr & Mrs Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. "Ah! Here it is!" Mrs.Ng grabbed the page and read aloud.
Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was... "7 DAYS A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP."

Dear diary...

HER DIARY
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it hadnothing to do with me and not to worry.On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled andkept driving.I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wantednothing to do with me anymore.He just sat there and watched TV. he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came tobed.I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided toconfront him with the situation, but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are withsomeone else.My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY
Today Manchester United lost to Arsenal. DAMN IT.